Tuesday, November 2, 2010
First Ever Meditation Afterthought
Meditation is basically a practice where you sit still for a period of time while keeping your mind still. After over a year of wanting to practice meditation, I finally did it earlier today. I did attempted meditating several times before. The first time was using the Chakra Balancing box set that I bought with CDs and a study book guiding you through meditations for different chakra. Half way through the introduction, the author told me I cannot have any financial worries. Apparently I was broke as hell so I couldn't continue. When I looked for some direction for meditating, I found more kinds of meditations than I could count. That's when I lost interest and thought "why does it have to be so damn complicated?'. I also went to learningmeditation.com and tried several audio guided meditations but I never went very deep. Today I just decided to meditate on my own, so I just sat on my bed and close my eyes and started focusing on my mind without any music or guide. What I saw and felt during the 35mins after the jump.
00:00-05:00: I was just sitting on the side of my bed with my feet down; breathing heavily, slowly, and consciously (conscious breathing). My dog was staring at me like there was something wrong with me as my breathing was very loud. A few minutes after, he got up from the floor and started licking my foot. Usually I don't let him lick me anywhere but as I was meditating, I just let it be and soon he stopped and lay down.
05:00-10:00: I crossed my legs and breathing started getting lighter and lighter. As I couldn't hear my breathing anymore, I heard sounds of my surroundings. I also started hearing static in my ears and I could feel the room. My concentration went to my mind and I felt it was getting bigger and bigger. My mind wasn't still at all as different thoughts came and went. It's okay to have thoughts for a beginner as long as I let them go. But then a thought of a man came out and instead of letting it go, I resisted it making the thought persisted.
10:00-15:00: As I figured I was resisting, I started figuring out the source of the persisting thought. I found it and let it go. I felt more clam and started enjoying the meditation.
15:00-20:00: My perceptions became wide open. I heard every little noise surrounding me (pc running, clock in the living room ticking, wind outside). I saw light that went through my eyelid. I felt as though the room was getting bigger. All of a sudden, I had a sense that I'm just a tiny dot on my shoulder and everything was massive. I felt that my body was big as a mountain and the bookcase was like the tallest skyscraper I ever saw (sensed?). Then I realized my awareness creates my reality as I couldn't hear the clock ticking any more. I tried to hear it again but I couldn't. Then I heard it again and I couldn't not hear it (so awareness is extremely hard to control).
20:00-25:00: Then I imaged myself not in the room but in outer space and it was dead silent. I started thinking how I would write this post. I don't recall the details though.
25:00-30:00: More thoughts on this post (don't remember now so it was a waste of time). Sudden I realized I couldn't feel my legs anymore so I put them down by the side of my bed.
30:00-35:00: My legs were itchy as hell as blood was flowing back down. I focused back to my breathing, it got heavier and I could hear it again. A short while later, I opened my eyes and found out 35mins had passed.
4 hours had passed before I started writing this post so many details are lost. One more thing, when I was stretching after the meditation, I felt as though there was a whole universe inside of me. I'll continue meditating for at least 30mins a day and write down anything cool.