Tuesday, November 2, 2010

First Ever Meditation Afterthought

Meditation is basically a practice where you sit still for a period of time while keeping your mind still.  After over a year of wanting to practice meditation, I finally did it earlier today.  I did attempted meditating several times before.  The first time was using the Chakra Balancing box set that I bought with CDs and a study book guiding you through meditations for different chakra.  Half way through the introduction, the author told me I cannot have any financial worries.  Apparently I was broke as hell so I couldn't continue.  When I looked for some direction for meditating, I found more kinds of meditations than I could count.  That's when I lost interest and thought "why does it have to be so damn complicated?'.  I also went to learningmeditation.com and tried several audio guided meditations but I never went very deep.  Today I just decided to meditate on my own, so I just sat on my bed and close my eyes and started focusing on my mind without any music or guide.  What I saw and felt during the 35mins after the jump.

00:00-05:00:  I was just sitting on the side of my bed with my feet down; breathing heavily, slowly, and consciously (conscious breathing).  My dog was staring at me like there was something wrong with me as my breathing was very loud.  A few minutes after, he got up from the floor and started licking my foot.  Usually I don't let him lick me anywhere but as I was meditating, I just let it be and soon he stopped and lay down.

05:00-10:00:  I crossed my legs and breathing started getting lighter and lighter.  As I couldn't hear my breathing anymore, I heard sounds of my surroundings.  I also started hearing static in my ears and I could feel the room.  My concentration went to my mind and I felt it was getting bigger and bigger.  My mind wasn't still at all as different thoughts came and went.  It's okay to have thoughts for a beginner as long as I let them go.  But then a thought of a man came out and instead of letting it go, I resisted it making the thought persisted.

10:00-15:00:  As I figured I was resisting, I started figuring out the source of the persisting thought.  I found it and let it go.  I felt more clam and started enjoying the meditation.

15:00-20:00:  My perceptions became wide open.  I heard every little noise surrounding me (pc running, clock in the living room ticking, wind outside).  I saw light that went through my eyelid.  I felt as though the room was getting bigger.  All of a sudden, I had a sense that I'm just a tiny dot on my shoulder and everything was massive.  I felt that my body was big as a mountain and the bookcase was like the tallest skyscraper I ever saw (sensed?).  Then I realized my awareness creates my reality as I couldn't hear the clock ticking any more.  I tried to hear it again but I couldn't.  Then I heard it again and I couldn't not hear it (so awareness is extremely hard to control).

20:00-25:00:  Then I imaged myself not in the room but in outer space and it was dead silent.  I started thinking how I would write this post.  I don't recall the details though.

25:00-30:00:  More thoughts on this post (don't remember now so it was a waste of time).  Sudden I realized I couldn't feel my legs anymore so I put them down by the side of my bed.

30:00-35:00:  My legs were itchy as hell as blood was flowing back down.  I focused back to my breathing, it got heavier and I could hear it again.  A short while later, I opened my eyes and found out 35mins had passed.

4 hours had passed before I started writing this post so many details are lost.  One more thing, when I was stretching after the meditation, I felt as though there was a whole universe inside of me.  I'll continue meditating for at least 30mins a day and write down anything cool.

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